


that’s the way every day goes (every time we have no control)

by flowers4flowers



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12315054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowers4flowers/pseuds/flowers4flowers
Summary: If Victoria had been a normal woman, her death at the age of 81 in 1901 would have been the end of her story.





	that’s the way every day goes (every time we have no control)

**Author's Note:**

> this has literally been sitting in my drafts for over a year, so I thought it was high time that I dust it off and post it

Each life varies her longevity, her personal life, her mode of lifestyle. She just simply wakes up one morning, everything clicks into place instantaneously, and she moves on with her life. Sometimes she even starts at the beginning, emerging into a new world as a newborn. The universe cannot seem to find it in itself to say goodbye to this extraordinary woman, and so grants her life after life to extend it.

Sometimes it flings her forward into a future the original Victoria would never have dreamed about, and sometimes into a distant past that constrains her even more so than her original lifeline. And, sometimes, it simply repeats itself.

-

There are times when hints of a past life come upon her suddenly-the distinctive press of a corset upon her spine came about when she tightened one of her belts a bit too harshly around her waist, a past conversation about birds entered her mind one day when she tossed a bit of muffin to a nearby crow. These are never enough to fully jog her memory, but they are enough to weigh heavily upon her for quite some time.

Her dreams after these experiences preoccupy her for days afterwards-it feels far too real to just merely be her imagination going into overdrive. The swish of fabric, the weight of all her hair-these are the details that seem all too tangible for her to simply write it off as being a hyper realistic dream. The first time she awakens again, she simply takes it to have been an intense dream, and forgets it in the subsequent bustle of the next several weeks. On occasion she does reflect on it, but when you’re Queen of England there is not much time to focus on fanciful theories.

-

She doesn’t know it, but there will always be constants in her various lives: her mother and her manipulation meant out of love, a childhood she’d prefer to forget, the fear she will disappoint. She’ll never know her poor, dear papa, but the universe always sees to it that she has at least one comforting presence in her life. Sometimes she never even meets William or Albert, and marries another cousin. Even if he has the head the size of a pumpkin.

Dash is always there, and he always soothes the rough years from childhood into her long reign.

-

In each lifetime she prefers Victoria. There is no doubt about where her preferences lie when it comes to her own agency. She will always dislike the name Alexandrina, and in each lifetime sets it aside in order to move on from a childhood she desperately wants to leave behind.

-

In most lifetimes she marries Albert.

And in most of those lifetimes they are quite happy together-in some they are not. In these lifetimes it is because they both realize far too late that the initial attraction between them was not enough to sustain a marriage both of them could not leave once they entered. Bickering masked by sexual attraction merely led to bickering without the attraction, and eventually to loud blowouts that were followed by hurtful silence.

Again, Victoria finds that even a palace can resemble a prison.

-

In five of her lifetimes Albert takes a mistress once she chooses abstinence rather than going through the painful experience of childbirth following that first birth. When she awakens in the 21st century, he merely divorces her when this happens.

-

But, in most of the lifetimes they spend together they are exceedingly happy. In these lifetimes the blow of Albert’s early death drives Victoria into prolonged mourning, and she never recovers. In these lifetimes there is never any doubt that he is her one, true love, and no one questions the tenure of her mourning.

-

In ten lifetimes she never marries. Just like Elizabeth, her mistress is England, and she rules firmly alone. Still, she is always lonely in these lifes.

-

Some of the best lifetimes with Lord M are when they are around the same age-he’s not too old, not already married, not her prime minister. There is also more laughter, but that just simply comes down to age. He’s young, still full of fire and verve and the will to keep moving onwards and upwards. He’s always the same man in every lifetime, but the ones where politics doesn’t factor in too heavily with them are some of the happiest.

-

Whenever they occupy the same lifetime there is never an instance where she doesn’t love him-every fiber of her leaning towards him whenever he enters a room. They bend towards each other as easily as a flower bends towards its precious sun-they occupy the central force of the other’s life no matter what life they live.

-

There is never not a lifetime where he doesn’t believe he is not good enough for her. He is always too old, too worn down, too… little.

To Melbourne, he is never enough. She encapsulates everything he could ever desire, but knows he cannot have. He’ll only ever just be _almost_ good enough for the young woman who possesses such fire and vivacity.

There is never not a lifetime in which she doesn’t try to dispel him of this ridiculous notion. He is not too old, he has just the right amount of energy, and he is enough for her. More than enough, in fact.

He has always been her balancing force, keeping her, admittedly very small, feet firmly planted on the earth. She has always been too brash, swirling into a room like a small tornado covered in fabric and with a queenly presence to boot. But he understands this is a coping mechanism of hers, this unabashed announcement of presence. Underestimated from a young age, she has always used her personality as a means of covering ground.

She will always be too young, too naive, too _female_ to many people. Especially the men in her life. Semantics she has little use for.

He never thinks of her that way, in any lifetime they share.

-

Sometimes they are even lucky enough to have children, but she always will cap it off very early. And the heartbreak of pasts lives are not repeated in others, with Victoria adopting William’s son and daughter. She loves them unconditionally, no matter how many children she and William conceive. She will never compare any of them to another, for they are perfectly formed just the way they are.

Her mother expounds endlessly on how she shouldn’t call them _her_ children, but to Victoria that just seems like incredibly useless semantics.

-

And finally, one morning she wakes up after the most peculiar dream. _I’ve never read Utopia, have I?_ Glancing over at her bedside table, the only thing she sees are her headphones, a glass of water, and a battered copy of _Cinderella_ that she had been reading to the girls before escorting them back to their room.  


A small movement at her feet, Dash is dreaming of slow and fat squirrels, jolts her back to where she is. She is 30 years old, it’s 2016. Dash is at her feet, William at her side. 

Turning over, she is met by William’s solid back. He’s wearing his ear plugs again, so she can only assume that her snoring was particularly atrocious during the night, because he was most certainly not wearing them when they both fell into bed. How he even puts up with her and Dash’s combined snoring, when she dated Albert he’d compared it to a duet of foghorns, she’ll never know.

He’s also wearing a sweater she does not remember him having on when they went to bed, so Victoria can only assume her blanket hogging abilities were in top form during the night.

In this particular life, he has already put up with so much. A messy scandal with his ex-wife that ended his political career far too early, and later humiliated by a custody battle for their children that had been waged for years. Then, there was her mother and her _oh Drina why didn’t you just give poor Alfred another chance? He’s doing so well right now, and John keeps reminding me about how he just has the most amazing opportunities in his future. He’s not just going to end up teaching law at a university for the rest of his life, you know. He has **potential**. And, don’t forget he’s **your age**._

But, these are just useless words to Victoria.

Still, a small part at the back of her brain haggles her about this relationship. William swears up and down he has no idea why she has chosen him as the man she wants to spend her life with. When she showed up at his door one day and told him she loved him, he could not have believed it, but her determination quickly wore away at any doubt he may have possessed.

He did bring up their age difference, but 8 years was completely inconsequential to Victoria once she had made up her mind about her feelings for William. His children she was already incredibly close to, and they themselves had long hinted that their dad needed to ask out Victoria as soon as possible so that she could _really_ be their mother. Their propensity to mention this within Victoria’s hearing range only served to turn both adult’s faces into amusing shades of red.

Eventually, Victoria grew tired of waiting (In every life she never possesses a great deal of patience. Sometimes the universe works in constants), and had laid herself bare to him. That day outside his door had been the most nerve wracking of her life, and she had been truly scared that he would turn down her declaration. But his very, _very_ , enthusiastic response following her blurted words and rebuttals of his lackluster arguments secured within her the knowledge that her feelings were equally returned by William.

Still, a small part of her finds it impossible to believe that this wonderful, extraordinary man had stayed with her throughout the tumultuous periods of their early relationship. Before they had even started dating her mother had given her unwanted opinion about the subject of William and his past.

She lays a hand on his back, just to check. That he’s real, tangible, _hers_. All of her dreams, that’s what she’s taken to calling them, leave her a bit shaken.

But, he’s here in their bed, and she sighs as she relaxes back into the sheets. Glancing at the clock, she realizes she has only 5 more minutes of relative peace before they have to get out of bed and get ready before getting the kids up. Then it’s off to work for both her and William, and she mentally scrolls through her tasks for the day, seeing if she has anything truly pressing she has to see to straight away.

She doesn’t get far, because William starts to move around a little, which means he’ll soon be awake. It’s a slow waking for him, letting all his bones and joints stretch and fall into a comfortable place. Victoria knows sleep is no longer in the question when he stretches his arms above his head, and yawns to such an extent that his jaw pops.

“How much time,” he murmurs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. They both know once the alarm goes off they will not stop moving until they fall back into their bed. These marathons they call weekdays are grueling and take so much out of them, but they have each other, and possess no wish to change their lives.

“Four minutes,” she relays. While he continues to stretch his joints she scoots ever so slightly forward so that she’s pressed against his side, all the while making sure she does not jostle Dash at their feet. She knows the instant he’s awake this calm little scene will end, and she’s determined to keep it going for as long as possible.

William stretches one more time before turning over onto his side, propping up on his elbow so that Victoria is curled up directly against his chest. She rests both her hands on his slow heaving chest. He wraps his other arm around her the curve of her waist, and pulls her even closer until they are matched hip to hip and leg to leg.

“Good morning,” he rumbles in a husky, sleepy voice. He raises his hand from her hip, and brings it up to her face. Brushing a few strands from her eyes, he gently lays his hand along her jawline, stroking her cheek in a gesture that always makes Victoria’s heart flutter ever so slightly.

Both are reluctant to break this quiet solitude they see so rarely. In a household that arises early, and tumbles into sleep late, these moments when they can bask in each other’s company are something they both cherish.

Victoria just begins to notice that William is leaning in, and closes her eyes in sweet anticipation, when he jolts away from her. Her eyes pop open, and they both look to the end of the bed to find Dash gnawing gently on William’s ankle, a clear sign he will need to go out as soon as possible. Victoria huffs out a laugh at the situation, and the look of irritation and amusement on William’s face, and lays a kiss on the corner of his mouth before extricating herself from the embrace that has ended too soon.

The covers are pushed back, “They’re all on your side again” “Yes, I know. Sorry,” and Victoria stumbles towards the wardrobe in the corner to begin her process of getting ready. On the way she switches off the alarm, and opens the blinds ever so partially. She and William had developed a system early on following her moving-in, in which while she got ready he made breakfast, and while he got ready she got the children dressed and downstairs.

As Victoria chooses an outfit William rolls out of bed and quietly shuffles downstairs, taking the very much awake Dash with him. She can hear his grumbling all the way down the stairs, and she smiles to herself as she goes to get dressed. Without even questioning it, she knows today will be a good day.

****

In this universe, Victoria is the happiest she has ever been.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this little piece!


End file.
